Tembe Denton-Hurst and Sasha Bonét are clear romantics – though, as writers, that’s perhaps par for the course. Love is a subject that comes up frequently for the pair, who, in the same 10-minute span, can go from discussing Maya Angelou’s memoirs to the role friendship plays in our dating lives. It’s a warp speed we got to witness firsthand when we joined the literary duo to discuss Denton-Hurst’s latest story, The Week We Were Friends, for Hinge’s No Ordinary Love audiobook. 

Though Denton-Hurst has become known for her fiction, like her 2023 novel Homebodies, this recent story is rooted in reality, following the love story of Isabella and Rebecca, a real-life couple who met on Hinge. They are one of the several couples featured in the new audiobook, which spotlights the importance of taking risks and saying how you feel in dating. Along with The Week We Were Friends, the audiobook features four other real love stories written and read by Nicola Dinan, Curtis Garner, Raven Smith and Rufi Thorpe, which can be listened to on Spotify or Substack.

Ahead, Denton-Hurst joined Bonét to discuss the navigating uncertainty in early dating, going “where you are running from” in writing and trusting one’s instincts.

Sasha Bonét: Love is actually one of our favourite topics to talk about.

Tembe Denton-Hurst: It is.

Sasha Bonét: The first time we hung out, that’s exactly what we were talking about, so this is just a continuation of what we love to do. I read your story for No Ordinary Love, and it follows Isabella and Rebecca, this couple that met online on Hinge. They were dating, but then Isabella starts thinking they should break up, and she has to have this difficult conversation with her.

They go to the park, Rebecca suggests being friends, and there’s this tension that exists between them. How were you able to create this story and create that tension, and why did you choose this specific subject matter of friendship and romance, and the very thin line between the two?

Tembe Denton-Hurst: When I was introduced to Isabella and Rebecca, I knew that they had experienced this week of not quite being together, but still being in this grey liminal space. I really loved that because I do think that with love, especially early love, there is so much nuance in the beginnings of getting to know somebody, and there’s a lot of little hiccups, little stutter steps that happen, and I think often we don’t really portray that. I don’t know that we really talk about the quieter pauses so much, and so I was excited about that, because I felt like it was really relatable.

I was really moved by the idea that even though they didn’t know each other and didn’t necessarily owe each other anything just yet, they felt compelled to show each other a lot of care.

Sasha Bonét: Yeah, I thought that was beautiful too, because we live in this era of ghosting. As you said, people feel like, ‘I don’t owe you anything. We’re not together.’ But I do think that we all owe each other a lot of care, so I also was really happy to see that in your story.

It also takes a lot of courage to do that. I think it’s a lot easier to just walk away. What do you think is the bravest thing that you’ve ever done for love?

Tembe Denton-Hurst: I think committing to it takes a lot of courage. You’ve met my wife. We’ve been together since I was 18. We’ve been in it for a long time, and it’s been a good time and a long time, but I do think that it’s very brave in a lot of ways to make something concrete in those very young stages of your life. To commit to your own growth inside of that connection as well, not being subsumed by it. 

Sasha Bonét: I totally agree with you. I’m in a relationship right now, and I’m learning this…It’s easily one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I’ve had a baby alone, I’ve moved to a new city, I’ve done so many things that people say, ‘Wow, you’re so brave’, but there is nothing that has taken more courage than to commit to love, to commit to someone, to commit to myself even.

Tembe Denton-Hurst: Can you talk about what bravery is looking like for you right now?

Sasha Bonét: I think it’s about being able to say the things that are hard. Being able to take the risk in being vulnerable and sharing things with my boyfriend, and also knowing that even if it’s challenging, the love is still there.

Tembe Denton-Hurst: In addition to being an author and critic, you also teach nonfiction. What’s a risk you encourage students to take in their writing?

Sasha Bonét: I always encourage my students to go exactly where they are running from. If you feel a lot of fear in writing about something, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, and that’s what you’re supposed to be writing. Getting into that specificity in that place, going into the wound, poking around in there and really excavating that – I think that’s where the work is, and that’s something that I have to remind myself of all the time.

Something that I thought was interesting about the story with Isabella and Rebecca was that Isabella is like, ‘Shouldn’t there be a sign that this is my person? Shouldn’t it just reveal itself to me?’ We’ve watched so many films where someone’s like, ‘I just knew right away that this was my person,’ and it very rarely happens like that. The doubt and the fear make it so that we don’t have that clarity. What do you think it is that makes us crave that certainty in dating?

Tembe Denton-Hurst: I think that people want an insurance policy in love, even though there is none of that. I think a lot of that [desired] certainty is a way to guard against even your own impulses to hurt somebody else, but we’re always gonna hurt people. They’re always gonna hurt us. That is the nature of love in a lot of ways. To love is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable is to expose the softest parts of yourself.

Sasha Bonét: Yeah, totally. I was curious while reading if Rebecca would go back to Isabella. She verbalised, ‘Hey, how do I know this isn’t gonna keep happening?’ But even though she doesn’t know, she takes the risk and says, ‘Okay, let’s try [to date again]’. 

Tembe Denton-Hurst: Has there been a time when you’ve taken an emotional risk, not knowing where it would lead?

Sasha Bonét: All love is an emotional risk to me. All of my relationships are an emotional risk, really. But I think my current relationship, because it is so challenging in these beautiful ways, is really allowing me to stretch myself and learn and see myself and heal things.

Tembe Denton-Hurst: For sure. We have to talk about The Waterbearers, because it’s my favourite book, and I think I say this all the time, the most important book published in the last five years, and even longer than that.

Can you talk a little bit about how the family that you’re born into really informs the way that you think about love and the way that you think about risk?

Sasha Bonét: I think it has everything to do with [that]. Where we come from and how we’re raised – these people teach us how to love. They teach us how to care for people. And our positioning within the family plays a role in how we then show up within our romantic relationships.

In love, we don’t always know how the story’s gonna end, and that’s a big part of where the fear is. So when you’re starting a new project, how do you know to trust that you should be writing this story if you’re not sure of how it ends? How do you know to take that risk to go towards this story?

Tembe Denton-Hurst: For me, I don’t know. It just kind of is, and then you just keep going and going. And then there’s 100 times where I say, ‘Maybe I should write a different novel’, and all of my friends are like, ‘Tembe, we’re not playing with you. You have to be serious.’

But I’m curious for you also, same question. How do you trust those instincts?

Sasha Bonét: I was raised to believe that you always trust your instincts. That your instincts are all you have. I think a part of it is being a Black woman, constantly being denied and devalued, and so the thing that was taught was, like, it’s in you. This idea that these women I come from have God in them. And so, I do trust my instincts. 

I like to be pursued in my writing. Before anything hits the page, it’s already working its way inside, and it keeps coming and coming. When it gets to the point where I can no longer avoid it is when I commit. It’s funny, because I’m just realising as I’m speaking that that’s also how it is in my relationships. I need to be pursued. 

Tembe Denton-Hurst: That’s so funny, because thinking about the idea of pursuit, I’m a pursuer. You know that about me, though. I will text you and say, ‘Sasha, where are you?’

Sasha Bonét: And that's why it's wonderful. Thank you for being my friend and pursuing. 

Tembe Denton-Hurst: Thank you for letting me pursue you. I love it.